Being human .. Begins with family!!

Salman Khans Charitable Foundation's name Being Human , is the best title I can give  for this blog …. it has no relation to his foundation or its activities , But I could relate this writing to  the brand name….. you can find out why ?  as you continue reading it ……..

One afternoon in a general male ward of a municipal hospital , I had a glimpse of this man , in his late 50's , with signs of recovery from severe burns in past , yelling and screaming at everyone .

I had just entered the ward after my lecture hours , as part of our 1st year nursing curriculum we were assigned to take Temperature , Pulse & respiration of patients , the ward was crowded with 70+ number of patients , as usual we were 3 student nurses , we divided the number of patients we will examine , and started of on our work .

Those days we were assigned only 4 hours of clinical shifts.  At the end of the shift  that day, I had my colleagues , talking about this man , who was not cooperating with them to note his vital signs  and was a unknown patient in the ward ( the patients relatives had dumped the  patient in the ward and gone without owning any responsibility of this patient anymore ) .

I asked them , what is the issue , they replied , "everyone is telling he is Mad'  , how are we supposed to handle such patient ?

I became curious and wanted to know what exactly madness means and how does this person look and behave . However , since we were new to the setup we  left for the day , handing over the pending work to our staff on duty in the ward .

Even after reaching my hostel room , I was  thinking about what madness looks like in human , A Mad Man means what ? .

In our first year of nursing  we are not exposed to clinical conditions / psychiatry so all was in vain  , and somehow I just ignored those thoughts and started my daily routine .

The next day at work , he was assigned to me , he was given bed in an isolation Unit .

I decided to note his vitals at the last as I presumed that it will take time as he was non cooperative .

I finished my work , still had a lot of time for the shift to get over , Me and my colleagues stood at a distance from the isolation unit , observing this patient whom other patients and their relatives called mad .

I looked at him for a while , he was shouting at the nearby patients , mainly he was calling them, what I observed was a empty bottle lying under his bed ,and noticed he couldn't reach it , I went near him , my friends stopped as they were unsure just like me , how this patient would react ?

He gave me a angry stare , I managed  to ask him , "uncle are u thirsty ?"  his stare earlier became a calm look at me and he said " yes , beta ( child )" , As I brought the glass of water to offer to him & asked him to sit to have it , I realized , that he cannot get up , his leg & right side of the body was paralyzed .

I felt sympathized  , I asked my friends to help me , make this uncle sit , and then he had water , he looked better after his thirst was satisfied  , I asked him , then what happened to him , why was he in a hospital ? and where are his relatives ? when they know that he is bed ridden why are they not turning up? Moreover , why was he constantly shouting in the ward and giving bad words to the patients near by ? I was scared will he yell at me in his madness as I realized I had asked him too many questions at one time , but he looked at me very calmly , and answered my questions , He said " child , the reason I was yelling at people around including the nurses and doctors was no one seemed to attend me , I am bed ridden , my family has abandoned me , and I am hungry for  past 2 days that I have been admitted and no one is offering me a glass of water too , I kept on telling people around , but no one seemed to respond , hence I became agitated ."

That was his first interaction with me , I asked him his name , he said he was Roshan . and then with the help of my friends I helped him lie down once again , and as I left form the ward since my duty got over I requested the ward boy to feed Roshan uncle, as in Municipal hospital setup , there is huge shortage of nursing staff . It is majorly one staff nurse on duty to take care of minimum 70 patients in  a medical or surgical ward . So one cannot expect it from the nurses to attend to all the needs of patients as mentioned in theories .

But , before I left the ward , I searched for the unknown patients file with name Roshan , as these clinical notes are maintained with the staff nurses and not kept at bedside . I read the clinical notes , nowhere there was a condition stating that he has some psychiatric illness , he was admitted for hypertension , and his file read he had contractures post burns 5 years back . I went back to my room and told my roommates about it .

It was clear to me then that he wasn’t MAD. "It was his helplessness that he was screaming to seek attention of others to attend him " and for sure this couldn't be madness , I was comfortable then.

Next day with great enthusiasm , I went to ward , first patient whom  I met was Mr.Roshan , he had a smile on his face today , looked less restless. I asked him whether he had his lunch , he  said he received the plate , but he cannot eat , someone needs to feed him , I asked him to excuse me for half an hour , as I had to complete my work , I winded up my tasks and fed him the lunch, that day I insisted him to tell why his family abandoned him in this state . 

He had tears in his eyes as he narrated his family life.

He was blessed with two daughters , and belongs to a upper middle class family , his wife died 10yrs back and later he had accidental burns and was left bed ridden , he had both his daughters married and both of them were well-settled .

He gave all his property to both the daughters and after few months of this , things started changing  , he was mainly been taken care by his younger daughter and son-in-law and then there was argument between both the sister and son -in-laws  , on who would continue to take care of him , and since the younger daughter was taking care of him for a long time  , her husband at the end of the argument asked the elder daughter to take Roshan uncle at their place and look after him as part of sharing the responsibility . But , little did he know , that  from his younger one's home , he would be taken to a Municipal hospital and abandoned .

I was shocked , speechless  & helpless . All I could answer him at the of the conversation is  "what I can do for you ?" He replied ,: thank you for all what you are doing for me , that’s sufficient" .

I decided , till the time I am allotted this ward I will continue to give nursing care to this patient. I was late the other day , I had only 1 hour shift , as we had an on-duty training .The ward had 90 patients  . and Roshan uncle had new neighboring  patients from past 2days, this patient was suffering with some weird skin disease and belonged from a slum , his family used to survive on daily wages , and hardly had enough money to afford a onetime meal if they dint work, the days they managed to have meal , they used to be happy and thank god . 

As said , I was late and the lunch for Roshan uncle had been cleaned by the ward boy , I was upset , and asked sorry to uncle , and promised him that I will buy something and feed him , but his answer surprised me " Beta , I had lunch ,  I had homemade chappati & Bhaji " I was so happy , I asked him " so finally did your children come to meet you ? ", he said" No , the next patients family fed me the lunch today" . I felt very happy  , I went to thank them , but their answer was something I dint understand at that moment , but was satisfying that someone will attend Roshan uncle in my absence .

The words that the wife of the patient was " sister , we see you attending this man everyday, no one else does that , you spend time feeding ,talking to him  and taking care of his daily routines , whereas all sisters and doctors are busy in other patients and studying their assignments . When you can do this for a unknown patient , cant we who sit next to him the whole day do something for him ."

A week passed by now Roshan uncle had people who would attend to him in my absence

Only years later I realized , How Our deeds can move others , we can be the change to see the change.

One fine day , he gave a piece of paper with a phone number on it  , he said it was his younger daughters phone number and he wanted me to tell her his current state .

I gave a call on that number  , the same evening  , his daughter gave the phone to her husband when she heard it’s a nurse from a hospital . I spoke to her husband , I told him that Roshan uncle has been left with no one to look after in a municipal hospital and is missing his daughter , so come and take incharge of him , on hearing this the gentleman replied that " "Sister , its not only my wifes duty , but her elder sisters duty too to look after him , so please don’t disturb us henceforth " and he hanged up the call . Hearing this I felt shattered on how would I tell this to Roshan uncle .

So the next day before going to the ward I again gathered courage to call his daughter  , this time the same gentleman picked up the call , I could just manage to tell him , that you appreciate your wife's contribution to your family  because Roshan Uncle did his best for her and she is  his daughter , whatever is your family disputes  , Mr.Roshan doesn’t deserve this, and I request you to please take charge of him at least on the grounds of humanity . " he replied " I will think over it "  .

When I reached the ward Roshan uncle was eagerly waiting to listen to what his daughter replied . I told him that I couldn’t reach her and couldn’t call her back as I have to go to a public phone booth to make a call . He said " Allah Reham kar , meri bachi se meri baat karvado  " ( allah have mercy , help me talk to my daughter " ) I had nothing to answer him . 

I went to my room that day and  cried , as I was feeling pity on this old man and wished god heard his prayers . Next day when I went to the ward , Uncle was happy , I noticed his smile, I was still scared and unsure what to reply , I went to talk to him  , and before I could cover-up the situation he said , "yesterday  evening after you went , my daughter and her husband came , they will take me home tomorrow , "  I was happy and thanking god that , finally god heard Roshan uncles prayers .

However it was my weekly off next day and after that I was going for summer holidays for a month to my home sweet home . As I was packing my bag , a friend of mine came to my room and said "  Roshan uncle wants to see you , and wants to you to visit him immediately "

Confused and scared I rushed to see him , I saw a man sitting next to him , and asked is he your relative , and there were tears in his eyes ,

He said " If Allah , gives me the strength to walk again  the first person I would come to see is you my daughter .

" I was  disappointed seeing him cry and asked him what happened "

He asked , where do you stay ? " unsure about  the whole situation , I hesitated to tell him my residential details , but still to avoid , getting him more tensed said I will be here only , as 

I work here " he understood I dint want to share the details .

However I asked once again , what's the matter , why was he so upset and crying when he is going to his daughters home the same evening ."

He said with tears in his eyes " yes beta, I am going from this ward today , not to my daughters house , but to an Old age home ( mother Theresa 's ) my kids have decided to arrange a room for me there and I will stay there henceforth , the man who sits next to me is a servant at my daughters house and he will leave  me to the old age home today evening after the doctors give me discharge . "

I was shocked and speechless , and could understand his state of mind , but couldn't do anything. I could only say " I will pray that you will recover soon and have a better life " He replied " God Bless u my child  , you being a stranger have done things to me beyond what my own children can do . I too will always pray for you ."

And we smiled at each other and I left the ward , and went  home for my summer holidays.

The whole incidence still stays in my mind fresh and I believe he is at peace , and  will always be.

At the age of 17 , Roshan uncles' condition , made me realize one thing ," what children mean to parents when they get old " and I always prayed to god, we are two daughters ,and may we be blessed with partners who will help us take care of our parents in their old age.  Afterall , our parents were  the only people who held our hands and helped us walk through all the difficulties in life till we earned on our own and have our own family . Then why abandon them ?

Old Age home is not a solution  . Let our parents live in the house they always wanted to be in till their last days .

If involving them seems difficult , due to impaired decision making in old age , at least keep them informed about the important decisions of your life , maybe buying a new house for yourself  , your child's admission , your promotion …… listen to their opinions  & respect them .

Don’t leave them especially when they are ill . They need care  , maybe we have enough of money  to afford a nurse or a maid to attend to them , but nothing can soothe their troubled mind then seeing their children around . Just like how we needed our parents when we fell sick as a child .

Always make them feel financially secured ,by taking care of their medical and other needs and give some money to them every month , especially if they have no source of income in their old age .

Even if they have a source of income keep the habit of giving them, some gift on every occasions and make them feel special .

These things are not applicable only for  Husbands parents in marriage especially in a Indian Scenario .

Never forget the girls parents  . Your wife today contributes to your family and you , because she was beautifully taken care by her parents . Respect and love them equally .

Both the man and woman in marriage are entitled to take care of each others parents  . 

Extended family is a add-on responsibility we should not neglect it .

Parents have to be the biggest strength of a child and children should not abandon their parents.

"Gods first gift to a human after Life , is a Family "   - Humanity should begin with our families.

The very act of humanity , is the only religion that I Believe and exist .

We call God by Names , but he is known by his very act of humanity and love for

 "The Humans " .

I request everyone who is reading this blog , to pray for people in Old age homes for a happy life with their children and a healthy old age .

Have a look at this beautiful video I had come across sometime back  ...

As and when I get time I would like to add on few more contents on Being Human Blog …!!!!

In the Meanwhile , Stay Blessed  & Take Care .